After many countless years, not countless, because it isnt hard to remember all the years I never had a girlfriend, not to mention best friend and/or lover rolled all up into one. I never have. Here I was, 22 and could never tell anyone, or relate about what a relationship was. Course I had had best friends, male friends, sisters, but none that were everything. That relationship I knew was different.

I seemed to busy myself in the realm of fantasy, especially in the stories I would find online. Yes, fan fiction about characters from TV. There are ones from Buffy, Xena, even Harry Potter. But the stories from Popular about the romance and slow falling in love between Brooke and Sammy just kept my heart beating longer than it should have. I had actually given up shortly after my 22 birthday in finding any girl that would meet or even come close to my standards. Then there was actual brain chemistry. Its very energy consuming to find someone that not only you can relate to on ideas, beliefs, and values, BUT also on an emotional, spiritual, and physical level . Talk about a needle in a haystack. For me, I felt I had a better chance of getting in a plane crash, winning the 55 million lotto, and getting a call to go fly out into outer space than ever finding a g/f. So I gave up. Actually, I gave it to God. I trusted completely in Him to know me. He knew what I wanted and who would match my heart. My luck seem to have changed not long after that.

Gay Pride, June 6, 2003. I wasnt expecting a damn thing to come out of this; especially in the girlfriend department. The last year I went everyone already seemed to have had someone. Again, I wasnt looking. For some reason, the girls I was hanging out with all liked me. However, I liked none of them in that way. Most I wished I never met. Some I stayed away from just so they wouldnt hump my leg.

Well after the Pride parade, I had gotten an invitation from a girl I will call Sally to go to a friends apt for a party. I thought, why not. I remember being extremely paranoid about my car due to it being t-boned/sideswiped while parked, AND busted into for my CD player all within 5 months of buying it; I kept looking out the apt window at it. I continued biting my finger nail although there wasnt any left. "Hey, its going to be ok. I will check every so often too..." Sally reassured me as I stood by the window gazing at the beautiful city, but unfavorable streets.  As I looked at my "baby" below, I visualized the many ways I could protect my car. All ways thus far would definitely give me a one way ticket to jail. And the courts wonder why people get driven over the edge and do crazy things. My boss and I even joked that if I were to try to play in the fountains in front of the court house and city hall, how there would be security guards on me in less than 2 min. BUT when I park my car downtown and have to PAY for it, no one cares, or is around to see the F%#@^&$ that break into cars on a DAILY BASIS and steal hundreds and thousands of dollars worth of equipment...things I WORKED FOR. God that angered me.

Anyways, I finally settled down after checking from 5 min intervals for about an hour to every 15 min. I decided to try a new alcoholic malt beverage a friend of mine offered to me. It was so good that I only needed one; course my tolerance level had diminished to 0 since I rarely drank but at parties. As I sat there on a futon, with a gay guy on my left, window on my right, and bottle in one hand, I noticed a stuffed animal that was a guinea pig on top of the TV. Since the only animals I ever had were guinea pigs, it didnt take me long to go to the TV and grab the animal, holding it close to my shoulder and petting it. I was what is considered drunk after one drink due to the emotional onslaught I was experiencing from the stuffed guinea pig. After a while it began to feel like a real one. I sat back down and held the little animal.

Due to alcohol, I became an emotional drunk. All feelings had a window out now through alcohol. I decided to call up my best friend who was working. I wanted her there with me because I honestly wanted to leave. The only people at this party so far that I knew and trusted were the gay guys, the rest, I could care less. Well, that and the rest were mostly immature lesbians that seemed to want access into my pants rather than making any sort of mental or emotional connection. After almost crying on the phone with my best friend from missing her, I went back to observing the room and hugging the stuffed animal. Thats when I noticed a group of people sitting by the apt door. A girl and a guy with reddish hair were sitting over there. I caught the girl stealing glances at me. Although with the alcohol in me, I wasnt sure how long she had been doing that. I first thought she was with him. Then I realized she was probably looking at me that way because I was petting a stuffed animal. I figured she thought I was psychotic and was watching me to make sure I wasnt on my way near her. Damn, I needed to clear this up; even if it scared her, I felt the need to explain myself. In my drunken one bottle state, I walked over to where they were and told them about the loss of my pets, all of which were guinea pigs. She said that was cool, while flashing this beautiful smile and said it was ok. Her eyes continued to dart around, looking at me, before dropping to the floor before looking at me again. I picked up on the fact that she was extremely shy. But I also picked up that the guy she was hanging out with wasnt a boyfriend. I wish I could remember more from that night, but in order to, I have had to ask her about it. I remember feeling really tired after sitting down on the floor. So tired I began to fall over and I decided to lay down. I covered myself with a small rainbow colored blanket and continued talking to this girl with my eyes closed. I do remember introducing myself and she told me her name. For safety purposes, she told me her name was "Adrienne". After a while Adrienne and her guy friend were being basically pushed out the door by Sally. I didnt understand this since I was welcomed to stay and crash while they were being forced to leave. I figured one of the lesbians was going to try to get with me in some way, although they wouldnt force anything, they would no doubt, try. I rolled my eyes and thought, I should NOT have had that one bottle, maybe I could have drove home or at least see where she was going.  Before Adrienne left, I asked her if she was going to be at Pride Saturday. For some reason I didnt want to lose her, and let her walk out the door without letting her know I was interested. Panic took hold as I thought about if she were to walk out that door and Id never see her again. I felt something with her, although I couldnt describe it. She told me she would be at Pride Sat and Sun. I smiled and laid back down feeling glad that I would see her again. I dont know why I didnt give her my cell phone number so she could've called me to stay in touch, but I probably didnt think about it, like a lot of things in my daily world.

Saturday: Gay Pride, June 7, 2003. Day 2: Most of Saturday I spent helping this woman I had met online to meet other people. I think she was interested in me since she told me age wasnt an issue, however, I understood what 11 years age difference could make. I also realized I wasnt at the same point in my life as she was. I also wasnt mentally attracted either. The more I tried to get her involved, the more I would spend time looking for her b/c she would wander off feeling like she was in the way. It ended up being a weird situation that was really getting on my nerves, not to mention, Sally giving me the low-down so to speak, on Adrienne. Every bad quality of this person Sally mentioned. Or at least, brought to my attention. I told Sally I had wanted to meet Adrienne. But after everything she told me, I began to wonder if we would get along. I was always out and about doing things, and from what Sally described, it sounded as though Adrienne rarely got out. It wasnt until later that night that Sally actually assisted in helping Adrienne and I to meet. I got a call on my cell phone with Sally asking me where I was. I was near the vendors wandering around or wondering if I should get something to eat. I remember Sally and Adrienne walking towards me. I could feel a pinch of nervousness since I could since the nervousness in Adrienne. Since I was a little older than Adrienne, "counselor" mode kicked in. I wanted her to feel comfortable so I began talking. As time passed, we continued talking. We found a lot of similar things we both could relate to. Before leaving I wrote my website address on her arm. I told her my email was on the site as well if she wanted to email me. I gave her this option not knowing if she really wanted to or not. This way, I leave it open to the individual. If they are motivated to talk to you they will without you forcing it on them. Some people feel they have to email and they do out of guilt, and not because there may actually be a spark of interest.

Sunday: Gay Pride, June 8, 2003 Day 3:

I came back that day again hoping to see Adrienne. I had entered with my best friend, holding her hand. "Sissy" the once flame of my heart red head and I finally could out in the open with out being called slanderous names.

Upon arriving at the pride grounds, we sat, and talked. A group of other friends approached and we sat there talking.  Sally was there as well, and mistook my "sissy" for a girlfriend. She asked me point blank who she was. I told her, but I was certain she didnt believe me.

When I found out Adrienne was there, we started walking around again, and ended up sitting on this blanket in the grass. Who's blanket and where it came from, I dont remember now, but we continued talking on it. I was beginning to feel bad for leaving my other friends that I had come with, not to mention Gay Pride was nearing its end. She stated she had to go as well, her mom was coming to pick her up. Her mom knew, and was fine with it. Yet another topic we covered.  We stood up, and I gave her a big hug. She pulled back and looked me in the eye. She leaned in...I thought she wanted another hug. She chuckled under her breath, sensing I was being the respecting person. It took my 6th sense to kick me in the butt to know what she really wanted. At that moment my sissy and another friend of mine showed up. At this time Adrienne leaned in, and for the first time kissed me. She did more than that by opening her mouth. My brain went on overload as we openly made out, in the middle of Gay Pride, and no one cared, which was nice for once. When she released my lips, I felt jelly in my legs, and tingling feeling at my mouth. She said goodbye and walked away.

My sissy came running over. "Ahhhh, that was soooo cute! So how does it feel to lose your mind?" 

I found myself lying on my back, looking up at the bright sky and radiant sun. "Wow." I barely spoke.  Unknown to me, Adrienne had turned around to look at me, seeing me on the ground she smiled.

'Boy, was SHE aggressive.'  I thought later. What a woman. I liked that. The quiet exterior only to reveal a real scorpion lust on the inside. Holy Jesus. I smiled up at the sky. We had already been through horoscope signs, and her moon was in Scorpio when she was born.