Does Age Really Matter?
Since there are continuing group discussions in this forum, I decided to yet again post a question and the responses to
this question. This might be or become another issue for some of you, and I hope this will provide some more insight if you're
an 18 year old in love with oh lets say, a 28 year old? For maturity purposes, I personally dont think this is wise, but lets
say a 25-year-old with a 35-year-old. Doesnt sound as bad, does it? It's all perspective and different levels of maturity
I think, but here are what some other womyn have to say about it.
The Question:
Hey ladies,
Haven't been to the site for awhile. Ended a 5 yr. relationship in June and it took it's toll on me. Anyway I wanted
to get a little of advice from you wonderful ladies. I have met someone that I have developed very strong feelings for. I
guess you could say I'm in love again. I would be lying to say that I'm not afraid but the real issue is this. She is 17 years
younger than me and even though she says it doesn't matter I can't help but feel a little apprehensive about it. Would
love to hear your input on this.
The Answers:
There is ten years difference between "Jane Doe" and I (she is older) and we haven't had a problem, unless you want
to count the time someone thought she was my mother LOL. We had a good laugh about that one. I knew I wanted an older woman,
most of the women my age that I was meeting just didn't do it for me. I wanted someone I could talk to. It's not the age thing
that is a problem, it's how you see it. If you are truly in love, it won't matter, and if someone else had a problem, well
then that is their problem, not yours.
~~~~~
Age differences are really only something you have to wrap your head around personally, as soon as you get comfortable
with it, life flows the way it is meant to. I speak from experience. The furthest age difference I have enjoyed was 26 years.
The woman involved was 23 and finally coming out and I was 49. It was a wonderful summer together and the only reason it ended
was because she had to go to Ottawa for medical school and I stayed in BC near my children and grandchildren. It did take
me about 3 - 4 weeks to work up the nerve to tell her I was attracted to her, because she is younger than both my daughters
by 2 and 4 years. Once she shared that it was a mutual attraction we were "away to the races" as they say.
This isn't the only relationship that I've had with several years age difference, others were 14 (she was older) and
12 (younger) years apart and several 5's (most of them younger). Enjoy your partner for her energy levels if they outweigh
yours, contribute your life experience wisdoms for your part. I really encourage you not to get hung up on a number, look
at the qualities you enjoy in your partner and live your life together to the fullest, celebrating your diversity!
Wish you well.
~~~~~
I also met a couple that was 21/33, and the 33 yr old told me how she felt about the 21 yr old. "I am scared. I am.
But I love her. I'm willing to wait for her..." The 21 year old would say, "I want you to meet my girl! She's 33 today! I'm
in love with her..." They are waiting. Or the 33 year old is waiting, waiting for the 21 to mature/gain more knowledge...experience
before solidifying the relationship.
~~~~~
Feeling apprehensive? As well you should. It doesn't matter if she's 18 and you're 35 or if SHE is 35 and you're
52. You KNOW you're in an ill-fated situation. Perhaps you don't have a large population of women your age to choose from
and this younger kid, woman, person makes you feel primal urges that you hadn't been in touch with for a long time....whatever
the reason, the longer you're in THIS dead-end relationship, the older you're getting and wasting some of your youth that
you could be sharing with someone closer in age. Women closer in age that you could possibly be interested in are becoming
unavailable because THEY'RE dating women born in the same decade. So this current fling lasts a year or two....do you really
think this young thing is gonna want to sit home and have hot cocoa with you and watch Murder She Wrote reruns with you? Do
you really think she's going to come shave your moustache when you're in a nursing home? You're a mature woman and you already
know the answer to your question. Get out now and cut your losses. Good luck, get off the computer and get involved in organizations
in your area. There are all kinds of delightful women out there. ~ "One"
~~~~~
Dear One,
I have to disagree with your response to Facing..'s question. I think that it totally depends upon the specific women
involved, and that you have generalized your response. Have you suffered from a negative relationship involving a large age
discrepancy?
My feelings are that if the women involved communicate and live their relationship on a mutual basis with respect towards
each other, age should not be an issue. Perhaps I am biased in the direction opposite yourself. I have recently met another
woman who is 26 years younger than me and find myself attracted and I want to learn more about her and see what can happen.
The sorts of questions I ask myself going into relationship are "What do we have in common?", "Can we be independent of each
other and yet supportive of each other?" "Are we both truly attracted to each other, is there mutual respect?" and on......
It is nice to dream of having a relationship that lasts the rest of your life, and I certainly was very oriented towards
that at one time, focused on making it past the number of years my ex-husband and I were together. As time moves on I find
myself opening to whomever is sent my way without restrictive thoughts that this particular relationship has to last forever.
Don't get me wrong, it would be lovely to have a fantastically wonderful long term relationship, but I'm definitely starting
to live more in the moment and enjoy what I have when I have it. And when I don't have it, I have my memories.
Sincerely,
"bee"
~~~~~
Hey, I saw that you were asking for advice if age makes a difference in a relationship. I would have to say no it does
not at least in Lois and my relationship. Lois and I have been together for almost 5 years (feb 14 aniversery) and there is
a huge age difference between the two of us.. I am 25 and Lois is 44. We have not had a problem. ~ "Aut"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Again, this topic looks to be a great issue of discussion. I have to keep checking the web page about every other day just
to keep up with it. I will have to say, leave this issue to the morals and/or ideas of you and your "prospective" partner.
What's funny was that earlier tonight, I get a call from my mom telling me to turn on the TV. On the public broadcasting channel
they were discussing gay issues, most of which concerned gays in the military. They also mentioned a woman by the name of
"Stormie". (Sorry if thats the improper spelling of her name, I'm going by what I heard). She has been around longer than
the Stonewall incident of 1969. She's an independent, lesbian, some believe she was one of the people who fought back against
the cops at Stonewall. They say she is a hero, a role model for other lesbians, and a fighter. She is 80 years
old and still helping at a local lesbian bar. She mentioned a comment that stuck with me. Not on the topic of age, but actually
about homophobia. However, I think you can apply it to anything you want. "Its mind over matter. If you dont mind, it dont
matter."
"I shall pass through this world but once; any good thing therefore I can do, or any kindness I can show to any human being
or living thing LET ME DO IT NOW. LET ME NOT DEFER IT NOR NEGLECT IT, FOR I shall not PASS THIS WAY AGAIN." ~ S.Grellet
Whatever a person decides they decide based on a belief. Whether or not this belief was pre-formed or acquired,
it is something that should always be left solely up to an individual. The way I have to see it is, "Hey, I
feel like a met a soulmate, but for whatever reason, I am not suppose to be with them" I have to give it to 'God', or that
higher power and trust that whatever that is suppose to happen, will. Too many things have happened already for me to pass
them off as coincidences.
I will leave age issues alone for now, to expand more on our terminology. I get confused myself between transvestite, transgender,
transsexual or Trans...anything. And I dont want to offend anyone. So here is something I picked up again from my Gay Support
group.
This information was taken in part from The AEGIS Transition Series, @ 1991, American Educational Gender Information Service,
Decatur, GA.
Terminology:
Transgender: This is an encompassing term for crossdressers, transvestites, and transsexuals or to their overall
community. In Short: This is all those that are TRANS-anything.
Transsexual : This is described as an individual who is unhappy with the sex assignment made at birth. I guess this
is the clique, "I am a male in a woman's body" or visa versa. These people will change their body to be as much as possible
like that of the opposite sex. Changes are accomplished through Hormonal Sex Reassignment, and surgery. This process is regulated
by the Standards of Care and takes several years to complete. In Short: Whatever sex you were born with, you are the opposite
in your mind. So, you do anything you can to be what you are in your mind. However, this is like a permanent sex change. This
requires one to go through doctors, psychotherapists, and years of living in that sex prior to actually going through surgery.
Transvestite: 1) Anyone who dresses in the clothes assigned by society to the opposite sex for emotional reasons.
2). Anyone who expresses transgender feelings or actions yet still maintains at least a partial gender identity that matches
their physical sex. In Short: Same as a transsexual, but does not go through the actual sex change/complete overhaul of becoming
that other sex.
Crossdresser: 1) A person who wears the clothes socially acceptable for the opposite sex. 2) Transsexuals do not
consider themselves Crossdressers or Transvestites.
Drag Queen: A male crossdresser who wears dramatic clothes, makeup, and has mannerisms of females - often for other's
entertainment in shock value.
Bigendered: Someone who that displays gender of masculine and feminine identities.
Transgendered Groups
International Federation for Gender Education (IFGE)
P.O. Box 367
Wayland, MA 01778
(617) 889-2212.
(Puts out a catalogue of books, pamphlets of interest to transgendered people and those interested in transgendered issues.)
American Educational Gender Information Service (AEGIS)
P.O. Box 33724
Decatur, GA 30333
(404) 939-0244.
(They staff a Help Line, publish pamphlets, and have general info)
Renaissance Education Association, Inc.
P.O. Box 60552
King of Prussia, PA 19406
(610) 630-1437
(They have chapters in 6 states, holds meetings specifically for non-transgendered people who want to know about transgenderism).
Society for the Second Self (Tri-Ess)
8880 Bellaire B2 #104
Houston, TX 77026
(713) 988-8064
(Group for male cross-dressers, has 26 chapters, inclusive of family and friends.)
